embarrassed

"I'm embarrassed to ask," Mrs D says. "But I've asked A. so many times. Do you think I could borrow 5 dollars? That's all I need.

"I'll get Mai J to replace it when she comes," she says. I'm embarrassed too. Because this time I can truthfully say I don't have a cent. We haven't been able to lay our hands on a cent (a rand, a penny) for eight days now. We haven't bought bread, 'phone cards or even desperately-needed newspapers. Trying to finish a diamond piece on Friday, I spy a new diamond headline in a state weekly and have to lurk by the newspaper pile on the pavement to skim the piece.

A friend takes pity on us on Monday, arriving with a parcel of dry groceries and two Buddie cards. We start weighing up petrol use. If I go to the court hearing this morning, will there be fuel for the school run tomorrow? How long will the car run on empty? At 11 pm I realise I have nothing for a school lunchbox. I comb through cookery books looking for a biscuit recipe that doesn't require eggs. Lunch is now baked rice, roast pumpkin and avocado -- if there's power to cook. Yesterday's blackout lasted 15 hours. I grate green soap to use to wash...everything. Then we get a promise. This afternoon, our supplier says. He should have "supplies" by then. Our hopes rise. "Sorry," reads the text message. "I haven't received any payments yet. I'll let you know when I'm ready."

I'm still not sure Mrs D believed me.