madam & eve

A madam is not a very nice thing to be.

In Zimbabwe, The Madam is a woman -- traditionally white though these days there are black ones too -- who refers to her domestic worker as The Girl even though she's probably a grandmother. The Madam makes The Girl and The Boy (aka her gardener) a jam sandwich each mid-morning (she prides herself on having her bread sources however bad the shortages). The Madam makes the sandwiches herself: that way, she can ration the jam (which is Sun Jam, a bright-red pulp you buy in plastic tear-off sachets. The Madam wouldn't dream of eating Sun Jam herself. Sun Jam is for the povo, The Madam says. The Madam knows that povo means the masses but apart from that she speaks very little Shona. The Madam would jump at the chance of French evening classes). The Madam demands that the jam sandwiches be eaten standing up in the kitchen or, in the case of The Boy, at the kitchen door because he will make the floor muddy with his wellies (known locally as gumboots). The Madam serves her workers tea in chipped mugs she keeps specially for the purpose. The Madam likes doilies on her own tea-tray. The Madam has been known to draw a line round the inside of her sugar bowl so that she can check how fast her sugar is being swiped.

The Borrowdale Madam now, that's another story.