token of appreciation

"You'll have to pay him for the months in between," Mr B says.

We've had the union on the 'phone. A gardener who disappeared after payday last August has resurfaced. He wants a payout: 630 US at the very least. Notwithstanding the fact that he was absent without a medical certificate for more than five days (more than five months, more like). According to the National Employment Code of Conduct Regulations 2006 (I have a copy), that's grounds for dismissal.

Fed up of threatening 'phone calls from the union -- and no, it's not the straw-hatted Joseph Chinotimba-led one -- I've trekked to the government's Labour Relations office, behind the supermarket. Mr B is the resident Labour Officer, the secretary tells me. I follow him down a school corridor.

What? I'm aghast. "But he ran away!"

Mr B taps his pencil. He is wearing a smart olive suit -- not local -- and looks to be in his early 20s. "You should have come here first, to tell me," he says.

Outside the window - it's one that opens top-to-bottom, uncannily like a college at Cambridge where I had tutorials in a different life -- a girl passes, calls at him through the glass. His wife? She has already texted to check on him once. (He told me) We weren't underpaying our worker. In fact, Mr B says, what we were paying was -- is still -- a "very generous salary."

"You were kind," he says. "And that is weak."

"What about a dismissal package?" (I can see I'll have to fork out something, whether or not I'm in the right.)

Mr B concedes that as we hadn't employed the worker for a full five years, no package is mandatory. "But really," he says, "you have to be kind." (What? I thought you'd just said that because I was kind, I was weak?). One month's money for every year worked. And re-employ the worker. He will draft a contract for us. A three-month one. "This time you can stop his work without any problems," he says.

"But -- " he looks at me -- "you understand this contract, I will be doing it out of office hours. In my spare time." I understand. All too well. "You mean I must pay you a token of appreciation?"